Or, as a recently bought out/retired colleague remarked, "My job now consists of being home all day and trying not to piss off my wife" - a much harder endeavor than any engineering project I can think of.
Hard to say. It could be a million things. Some people are just hard to get along with. Some people are great fun for 1 hour a day, but miserable if you're around them all day. If you've devoted your life to your career, it's no surprise that you won't have anything in common with your wife & children, which makes things harder.
They may love & respect each other, but not find each other's company enjoyable.
I've known and talked with enough people to know that you are very likely right -- that still doesn't stop me from thinking "how the hell can love and respect exist in such conditions?"
People are extremely diverse indeed. I've known such couples and couldn't for the life of me ever imagine me being in such a relationship. But they are out there.
> "how the hell can love and respect exist in such conditions?"
Not all conflict is borne out of character flaws. Put me in the same room as an extrovert - be it in a workplace, boardgames night, or whatever - and I'll appreciate and respect their ability to keep the conversation flowing naturally. Put me in the same home as an extrovert, and that same habit will drive me mad. I need my occasional peace and quiet to recharge and focus! And perhaps just as much, they'll need someone to keep talking!
My wife and I recently took a trip together involving hours of driving throughout western Europe. We were glad to find we enjoyed just being together, even at the end of the trip.
I think it's important to keep building that relationship (courting) throughout the working years, not just to avoid hitting retirement and thinking, "What am I going to do with this person for the rest of my life?" but also just to enjoy all the years along the way!
You wanted to be together enough to get married - isn't it worth investing time and effort to keep enhancing that, rather than just letting it wither?
Yes, but we are 20+ years in, and excited to continue...
Seems like a house - if you don't do maintenance, it gradually deteriorates until it becomes unlivable, but with continual maintenance and improvements, it can last forever...
I also feel maintaining the relationship is extremely important. We the people are instinctive beings and some of us have very curious character flaws. If we let things to entropy, no relationship can hope to survive. No exceptions.
As I shared in another comment in this sub-thread, I found that being honest (but not brutal; give your opinion and feelings openly but caring for the other person's feelings!) and never going to bed angry with each other have not only prevented the relationship from rotting away, but also improved it by a lot.
Sometimes. And sometimes it's better to walk away from the mortgage and file for bankruptcy. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict which choice is right. I think "The Money Pit" has some solid guidance here but I haven't watched it in many years.
You are right. We can never truly know from the start, especially having in mind that we grow and change all the time as well.
I've had a failed relationship which lasted 8 years and I know the struggle and the bitterness.
I have however confirmed the old cliche that love can bloom any time at any place as long as one is with an open mind and open heart and doesn't hold grudges to the world at large.
Agreed. It's good if people discuss these specifics of their character before moving in to live together though. It helped me and my wife a lot.
She is less extroverted than me and sometimes she wants to be left alone for several hours. I grew to know her very well and she needn't even say a word -- I can recognize by her posture, facial expression and what she does currently that she is in the introspection mini-period, and I simply don't at all interact with her until she's done, at which point she comes to me and often times she says "thank you for knowing me and being considerate".
My original point was more along the lines of "always be very honest (in a thoughtful and sensitive way) with your spouse".
